I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
