worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
