my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
