i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
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