i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
