Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
