Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
pray to the hookup gods
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
