When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
