ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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