im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
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