i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
