I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Barsexuality is the new black.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
