Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
