we made out on top of his cat.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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