so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
