C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
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