Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
