Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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