Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Randomize
