Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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