I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Randomize
