I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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