I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
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