You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
