it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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