So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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