so explain again why im purple
no
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Randomize
