I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
