I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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