weddingsv make me drug and hornr
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
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