sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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