I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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