Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
