Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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