so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
