Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
