"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
