you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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