It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
