Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
Randomize
