Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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