Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
