erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Randomize
