we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Just pee around me
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
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