If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
