If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
