We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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