He is such a slut. More and more my type.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
