im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
