i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Randomize
