Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
