You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
the night ended with taco bell and tears
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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