I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
