As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
