your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
